Replacement Driver Wanted. I QUIT!

Here’s a little item I found among my papers the other day. I don’t know who wrote it or who sent it to me twenty-odd years ago, but I thought it would give you a smile.


Truck driver to haul grain, no experience necessary. Any dummy should be able to drive this truck.

Applicant must be willing to learn, and accept constructive criticism. Lots of it…every round and every load.

Restricted adult: language may be offensive. No triflers please.

Applicants should state age, sex, and past experience, if any.

Will accept one or two children in truck. No gum or sunflower seeds.

Undefined hours. May run night and day if it doesn’t rain.

Applicant should understand the principle of picking up grain on the go and should there be a collision between truck and combine, applicant should leave the premises – rapidly.

Applicant should have at least six arms and no less than two legs. Preferably a runner or jogger. Walkers or dawdlers will not be accepted.

No coffee breaks, so addicts need not apply.

Familiarity with motors would be an asset.

The ability to read sign language is essential. Your life may depend on it.

20/20 vision would be an asset to enable applicant to see a full hopper two miles away, to see over hills and through bluffs. It also helps when looking for lost chains, nuts and bolts that dropped into the stubble while making repairs.

Everything must be done the way the combine operator says to do it, whether it makes sense or not.

Applicant should have good sense of direction for finding their way over unmarked prairie trails and in the dark.

Job hazards include the loss of limbs, verbal abuse, sunburn and moon-madness.

Be prepared to accept long hours, short pay, and scant appreciation.

Applicant should understand there is no bathroom within three miles.

Meals are served at irregular hours.

This is your opportunity to see rural life first-hand, the slow leisurely pace of country life in a relaxed laid-back atmosphere.

Job description submitted by Farmer’s Wife


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