Heigh Ho, Silver!

NEW ISLAND DISCOVERED

This was yesterday’s daily prompt, but I didn’t have the time to write it yesterday. So now I’m going to incorporate today’s prompt —with no apologies — and post the tale I dreamed up which includes the number 110,815.

This amazing headline splashes across the front page of today’s Saskatoon Star & Planet:

New island discovered in the South Pacific Ocean
News item by Sask-Info reporter Mickey Wasylkowski

The world is agog this week following the discovery of a completely unknown inhabited island approximately 3000 km SE of New Zealand. Known to local inhabitants simply as Ork, the island has been named Schoenfeldeslandia after the Austrian adventurer, Matt Schoenfeld, whose hot air balloon ran out of oomph and came down there two weeks ago.

In the following article Sask-Info roving news reporter Mickey Wasylkowski will give us an update on his visit to the newly discovered island, along with details of his interview with one of the inhabitants.

Reporter: One of the first things I learned upon arriving on the island: amazingly enough, a few of the natives have learned enough English to communicate with me. An elderly gentleman by the by the name of Glum has agreed to an interview. My first question, of course, was how he’d learned English.

Glum: One time many summers ago we go fishing far, far away in boat. Storm come; wind blow us. We land in strange place. Other boat, men from some far tribe, they land too. They have radio. They listen all the time. They say they learn that language, go to America, get big time rich. We stay there twenty full moons. Listen to radio. Learn how you speak, your words.

Reporter: That’s amazing! So you stayed with those other fishermen on that island and learned English. Did you find English words difficult?

Glum: I young then. My tongue twisted better than now. English not so hard.

Reporter: Good thing you never had to try spelling it. Can you tell me Glum, how many words are there in your language?

Glum: We have 110815 words. You see, Orksam very easy language.

Reporter: Wow. Just over 110 thousand words. And did you know English has over 500,000 words —plus another 500,000 technical terms. What do you think of that, Glum?

Glum: You English talk too much.

Reporter: So you spent a enough time with those other men to learn English from the radio. And then what? Obviously you made it home again.

Glum: Build new boat. Come home to our island. I remember English all these years.

Reporter: I’m curious about the men with the radio. I suppose they built a boat and returned to their own tribe, too? It’s a wonder they didn’t let the world know of your existence here.

Glum: We bash them. No want them find our island. They come here, maybe they take our women away. Bad habit men have. We bash anyone who come here. We no like tourists. They bring big time noise; leave junk behind.

Reporter: Err… I see. So that’s how you remained an undiscovered island all this time. I guess Matt Schoenfeld can be thankful he had a crew along, keeping track of his whereabouts at all times.

Glum: Too bad. Too many for us to bash. Now you come, too. Did you bring Silver?

Reporter: Silver? Are we expecting we would bring silver?

Glum: You know Silver? ‘Heigh ho, Silver, away.’

Reporter: Oh! That Silver. The Lone Ranger’s horse.

Glum: Yes. Lone Ranger. Him smart man. Silver smart horse. I want see smart horse. You no bring Silver horse?

Reporter: No, I’m afraid not. Wow! You must have been listening to radio back in the 50s.

Glum: Lone Ranger good. But then come too much noise. Rock & Roll. We throw radio in ocean. Bash men, throw them in ocean. Go home. Now you come. We bash you, too. That the way cookie crumbles.

Reporter: I can assure you, Glum, that my news team is here only in the interest of information. We have no intention of taking your women away or bringing tourists to overrun your lovely island. We will go away tomorrow and leave you in peace.

Glum: Peace good thing. But no Silver?

Reporter: Well, maybe we could arrange to ship a few silver horses to your island. Would that make you happy?

Glum: You bring Silvers, no steal women or seashells, no bring tourists or radios, we no bash you.

Reporter: It’s a deal.

End of interview. By SaskInfo roving reporter Mickey Wasylkowski reporting directly from Schoenfeldeslandia.

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3 thoughts on “Heigh Ho, Silver!

  1. Pingback: New Island Discovered | Christine's Collection

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